It’s a tough task to admit your feelings to yourself, much more to the person you feel for. This one time I’ve decided to tell this guy how I felt about him, he was high. He wasn’t in his normal state, his mind and his heart were all over the place, basically out of focus. I told him how I felt about him and when it began. It was right from the very start, maybe even before I actually met him. I let a year pass before I told him, but at least I did. At least I know I tried.
He apologized because he didn’t know how to react to my confession, and I understood. I wasn’t asking for anything in return. We were the best of friends, we talked everyday about anything and everything. There were times when I used to wake him up for basketball practice, and some other times, he’d help me stay awake to finish my school work. We’ve always been mistaken as a couple, and everyone said we looked great together. In my head were the same exact sentiments, and I hoped it was the same in his head, too. We were almost inseparable. Invincible, even. It was us against the world. I’d be surprised if I didn’t fall for him. The day after that, I received an equally long message from him, saying he’d always treasure me as a dear friend, because according to him, how I took care of him and how I treated him were incomparable, but he just wanted to stay friends. I understood. It took a while, but I understood. Somehow I think I was ready, because I told myself to expect the worst… and that’s what I got.
From the moment that I confessed, it went downhill and never went up again. Now we barely talk, much less see each other. I only get updates about him through social media, and maybe that has to be enough.
We’re completely different people now, happier I guess, because we have both moved on – each having an amazing partner, but also quite sad because I know how good things were when we used to be friends. I guess the awkwardness will always be there. I guess, this is how things are supposed to be. Sometimes I still think about the things we could have done together if we’ve given “us” a chance, but I guess things turned out this way to lead us to the right direction. I have no regrets though. I miss him sometimes, because he was a good friend. He probably still is, but maybe he was just part of a few chapters of my life’s story and he wasn’t really meant to be a main character.