Here I am, still hoping that things will never come to this, but then again I still made sure I knew what I’ll miss most when it’s all said and done.
I will miss how your eyes, your nose, and your hair always seemed so perfect; how it always looked good no matter where we were, whether we were out having dinner, out on normal school days, waking up beside each other on weekends, or under the scorching heat of the sun. I will miss how you’d hold my hand, only holding it that one particular way and you’d be irritated and annoyed if I tried holding it differently. I’d miss your sweet and gentle kisses, first on my cheeks, on my nose, my forehead, and then my lips.
Your warm hugs, on both bad days and good days, how you’d call me your ‘baby‘ and your ‘princess‘. I will miss how spontaneous we both were, almost always not having definite plans on weekends and just going wherever the day takes us. I will miss your friends, your family whom I have gotten close to, and who have become my friends and my family as well. I will miss how warm their welcomes felt like when you first introduced me to them as your girlfriend.
I will miss our late night talks, the ones over beer, or over dinner, or just lying next to each other. I will miss your honesty. Talking about our fears and our dreams, our future plans and where the both of us fit in the picture. I will miss how you believed in me, telling me that I didn’t just think that I was good, that I actually am good. I will miss how you push me to become the best that I can be, and I will miss doing the same to you.
I will miss texting you good morning and good night, our random food trips whether it was in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night. I will miss how trying something new with you felt like, going on random adventures when our need for it comes, and I will miss how you would always ask me to go with you to accompany your parents or go on and run some errands.
I will miss my life with you.
It has never been this colorful for me and I hope you know this is true. I will miss how you comfort me in the wee hours of the morning when I suddenly wake up crying from a bad dream, heading out just to get a gallon of ice cream and finishing it within the hour. I will miss getting fat with you, how we always talk about losing weight but doing the exact opposite, enjoying our fat selves together.
Your smile, your presence that always seemed to comfort me, your kind words, your genuine heart. I will miss it with all of me. I never want it to, but if it comes to this, I hope you read this.